Style Invitational Week 1219: Cast your Bred here — a new 4-line-poem contest Plus the winning ‘so X that Y’ jokes, and introducing our new Loser Mug Your mug here? It’s our fourth and latest Loser Mug design for third- and fourth-place finishers, designed once again by Bob Staake. The slogan “You Gotta Play to Lose” is by Loser Roy Ashley. (Design and photo illustration by Bob Staake/for The Washington Post ) By Pat Myers By Pat Myers Entertainment March 16 at 11:01 AM (Click here to skip down <#report> to the inking “he’s so X that Y” jokes) *my name is Cow,* *and wen its nite,* *or wen the moon* *is shiyning brite,* *and all the men* *haf gon to bed — * *i stay up late.* *i lik the bred. * — Sam Garland, a.k.a. Poem for Your Sprog The sometimes mystifying social community Reddit has been enchanted hundreds of times over by Sam Garland, a postdoctoral student who took to posting comments on a wide variety of others’ Reddit posts — in the form of rhyming poems. Last October someone posted an amusing anecdote about a cow that had made her way into the kitchen of a re-created French fortress and started licking all the loaves of bread — and Sprog responded with the faux-Chaucerian doggerel above. Almost instantly, according to the website Know Your Meme, “i lik the bred” sparked a new genre, with parodies and similar verses popping up all over Reddit and Tumblr blogs, in topics ranging from kittens to Tudor history. So let’s Invitize it: *Write a Lik the Bred verse about someone in the news lately.* For our own purposes, here are the parameters: Flip the switch on the bottom of the 2-inch-long Kreep-E and it whirs and sort of scurries around. That's it. What, you expected a silver medal? ● *It begins with “My name is . . . ”* or some other first-person introduction. ● *It ends with “I [verb] the [noun].”* You may substitute “we” for “I,” and “a” or “my” for “the,” etc. ● *It consists of four rhyming lines,* A-A-B-B (Sprog breaks them into eight, but we will probably use a four-line format to save space). Thirty-two syllables total. ● *The meter is strongly iambic:* ba-DUMP ba-DUMP ba-DUMP ba-DUMP. (My NAME is COW . . . ) ● *The spelling /may/ be faux Middle English *but could also be modern; the Empress hopes to run both types. Either way, the verse shouldn’t be a slog to read. *Submit entries at this website: * *bit.ly/enter-invite-1219 * (all lowercase). *Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial ,* the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a brand-new *Kreep-E, *a two-inch-long, bright green electronic insectoid that scurries around with “realistic bug movement.” Well, it at least vibrates a lot. Donated by Loser Nan Reiner, who no doubt, like the Kreep-E, “self-corrects when flipped.” *Other runners-up *win the new mug announced today or our Grossery Bag, “I Got a B in Punmanship.” Honorable mentions get one of our new lusted-after Loser magnets, “No Childishness Left Behind” or “Magnum Dopus.” First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). Deadline is Monday night, March 27; results published April 16 (online April 13). See general contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules . The headline for this week’s results is by Jesse Frankovich; the honorable-mentions subhead is by Roger Dalrymple. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at /on.fb.me/invdev ./ “Like” Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at /bit.ly/inkofday; / follow @StyleInvite on Twitter. *The Style Conversational *The Empress’s weekly online column, published late Thursday afternoon, discusses each new contest and set of results. Especially if you plan to enter, check it out at wapo.st/styleconv . And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . . *AND ‘SO’ WIT WAS WRITTEN: REPORT FROM WEEK 1215* In *Week 1215 *the Empress sought one-liners of the form “X is so Y that . . .” Once again, she didn’t tell the Loser Community to sling gibes at our president, but once again, those are what mostly were slung, big league. Perhaps a dozen entries offered that Trump is so self-centered that he thought the song was about him. 4th place *The Trump White House is so brazen,* it’s offering foreign donors a night in the Putin Bedroom. (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.) 3rd place *My friend from Weight Watchers is so competitive *that she always halves what I’m halving. (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.) 2nd place and the toilet-shaped mug : *Donald Trump’s hands are so tiny,* the women he grabs don’t even notice. (Brian Allgar, Paris) And the winner of the Inkin’ Memorial: *My chiropractor is so unscrupulous,* he charges Paul Ryan the same price as people who have backbones. (Jeff Shirley, Richmond, Va.) So close, yet so far: honorable mentions *“The Bachelor” is so fixed,* it ought to be called “The Gelding.” (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf, Md.) *Kellyanne Conway’s been so quiet lately* that Richard Simmons is asking what’s happened to her . (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.) *President Trump’s skin tone is so unusual, *nothing rhymes with it. (Jesse Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.) *John McCain is such a bold, independent-thinking maverick,* he complains about Trump’s nominees before voting for them. (Duncan Stevens) *Political correctness has gotten so out of control* that the last time I ordered French toast at a diner, a millennial at the next table jumped up and started screaming, “Cultural appropriation! Cultural appropriation!” (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.) *Donald Trump is so great. *#totallyriggedStyleInvitationalclaimsIbroketherules #aftereverythingIvedoneforthePost #suchanastyempress (Melissa Balmain, Rochester, N.Y.) *The crowd was so huge at Trump’s inauguration* that the Park Police considered setting up a second Porta-John. (Hildy Zampella, Falls Church, Va.) *Kim Jong Un is so paranoid *that his food taster has a food taster. (John O’Byrne, Dublin) *America’s lawyers have been getting so much love* for their help fighting the immigration ban, cabbies are giving them free rides to chase ambulances. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.) *Mitch McConnell is such a negative guy* that his bobblehead shakes its head no. (Pie Snelson, Silver Spring, Md.) *The insult was so trivial *that even @realDonaldTrump wouldn’t respond to it. (Jeff Hazle, San Antonio) *The movie was so awful* that everyone in the theater stopped texting to watch in disbelief. (Hildy Zampella) *Trump is so out of shape,* he gets tired in conversations with foreign officials just pressing their buttons. (Dan Helming, Maplewood, N.J.) *Donald Trump is so reckless* he asked Kim Jong Un to pick him up at the airport. (David Kleinbard, Mamaroneck, N.Y.) *Canadians are so angry about Trump’s travel ban,* they are asking politely that it be repealed. (Mark Raffman) *Donald Trump is such an inept fascist,* he can’t even make Metro run on time. (Mark Raffman) *The Old Woman in the Shoe had so many kids,* she had to learn to multi-tsk. (Chris Doyle) *President Trump is so self-absorbed,* he thinks the word “meme” has two syllables. (Jesse Frankovich) *Chuck Norris is so tough, *his shower floor is strewn with Legos. (Chris Doyle) *The Democrats have been so shut out of the governing process, *they’re writing letters to their congressmen. (Dan Helming) *The suspect’s rap sheet was so long *that the police had to print it on the back of a CVS receipt. (Hildy Zampella) *Kids are so ungenerous these days *that mine always want me to pay them back every time I borrow a couple hundred dollars for beer and cigarettes. (Ivars Kuskevics, Takoma Park, Md.) *Facebook is so polluted with political vitriol* that my friends who voted for Trump and RUINED OUR COUNTRY (HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY NOW) don’t even pay attention to my posts anymore. (Mark Raffman) *Donald Trump’s hands are so large* that his skin has to stretch really thin to cover them. (Steve Glomb, Alexandria, Va.) *Betty White is so old* that when she says she saw “Hamilton,” she saw Hamilton. (Ira Allen, Bethesda, Md.) *The night was so dark,* democracy died . (Jeff Hazle) *Your Mama’s been used so much* that even this contest doesn’t want to touch her. (Kevin Dopart, Washington) *Keira Knightley is so thin*, she could pass as Monday’s Washington Post. (Kevin Dopart) *The Style Invitational’s readership is comprised of people so nitpicky* that they’ve already mentally corrected the first part of this sentence to “composed of.” (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.) /And Last: / *The Empress is so objective *that she reads entries with a blindfold on. (Kel Nagel, Salisbury, Md.) *Still running — deadline Monday night, March 20: our perennial Mess With Our Heads contest to reinterpret headlines. Seebit.ly/invite-1218 . *